The nature of my conversations seems to be changing. I don’t know if it’s a hangover from the Covid days (and we have to stop using that as an excuse!), a lack of personal confidence, a degree of social anxiety or, on a more positive note – a desire to build more productive and sustainable customer and personal relationships. Still, I’ve noticed a more frequent issue in the need for acceptance.

The notion of “liking” is used more often – how can I get other people to like me? In the old days, I would have a very quick response – i.e. “Don’t be an “a******e”! But I have come to realise that this is a real challenge for many people, so that answer is too simplistic, and it deserves greater, more in-depth and specific advice.

So, here are my tips for increasing your “likability” index.

Decide what’s important to you – being liked or respected and then make that part of what you want to be known for – your “brand”.

“Likeability” is a combination and balance of being both liked and respected. What’s more important for you – to be liked or respected?  This does have a bit of the old chicken and egg discussion, but it is worthwhile to think about the difference. My opinion, based on lived experience, is that it’s far better to be respected than liked. Of course, a healthy combination of both is the ultimate – that’s “likability”. A bit of old man’s wisdom – it is far easier to be liked once respected.

On a piece of paper, write five words that describe how you would like to be known – in a professional and personal sense. On that same page, write how you think others would describe you. Is there a gap?  If so, why? There are many positive reasons as to why such a gap would exist – you’re still building your level of competence, people haven’t had the opportunity to get to form an opinion yet, you’re still building your network etc. There may also be some negative reasons as to why the gap may exist but that may be another topic!

Be Curious and Genuinely Listen

One of the personal characteristics of “likable” people is their curiosity – about your friends, clients and world.  Active listening demonstrates this curiosity and that you value others’ opinions as well as understanding and respecting their needs. When conversing with people, be present and engaged by maintaining eye contact, being aware of your non-verbals and providing thoughtful responses. Avoid interrupting or finishing their sentences. Reflect on what they’ve said before offering your thoughts and critically, ensuring they feel heard and respected. Be curious in all things!!

Be Responsive

Timely responses indicate to others that they are a priority. Whether email, phone call, or a message, aim to respond as quickly as possible. Even if you don’t have an immediate answer, acknowledging their communication and letting them know you’re working on it builds trust and shows respect for their time.

Show Empathy

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. When clients face challenges, show empathy by expressing understanding and offering support. Phrases like “I understand how that could be frustrating” or “I’m here to help” can go a long way. Clients appreciate working with someone who genuinely cares about their experiences and feelings.

Be Honest and Transparent

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and honesty is key to building trust. Always be transparent about what you can deliver, the timelines, and potential challenges. If a mistake happens, own up to it, apologise, and provide a solution. Clients value integrity and will appreciate your honesty, even when delivering bad news.

Be Positive and Upbeat

A positive attitude can be contagious. Approach client interactions with enthusiasm and a can-do attitude. Even in difficult situations, maintaining a positive demeanour can help ease tensions and foster a more enjoyable working relationship. Positivity doesn’t mean ignoring problems but rather approaching them with a constructive and optimistic mindset.

Personalise Your Interactions

Clients are more than just business contacts; they are individuals with unique preferences and interests. Personalising your interactions by remembering small details about their lives, such as their hobbies, family, or recent achievements, shows that you see them as more than just a transaction. Congratulating them on a personal milestone can make a significant impact.

Provide Value Beyond Expectations

Going above and beyond what is expected can significantly boost your likability. This could mean offering additional insights, providing resources, or delivering ahead of deadlines. When clients feel they are getting more value than anticipated, they are more likely to view you as a trusted partner rather than just a service provider.

Be Reliable

Reliability is about consistently meeting your commitments and being someone your clients can depend on. Ensure you meet deadlines, fulfil promises, and deliver quality work. Reliability builds confidence in your abilities and reassures clients that they can count on you.

 Communicate Clearly

Clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that everyone is on the same page. Be concise and precise, and avoid jargon that might confuse your clients. Confirm details and follow up to ensure that both parties have the same understanding. Effective communication fosters smooth interactions and builds trust.

Show Gratitude

Expressing gratitude is a simple yet powerful way to show clients you value them. Thank them for their business, their trust, and their time. A handwritten thank-you note, a thoughtful gift, or even a sincere verbal thank-you can leave a lasting positive impression.

Seek and Act on Feedback

Regularly seek feedback from your clients to understand how you can improve your services. Show that you value their input by making necessary changes and improvements based on their suggestions. Clients will appreciate your commitment to enhancing their experience and will feel more valued.

Be Adaptable

Flexibility and adaptability are highly valued traits. Clients appreciate working with someone who can adjust to changing circumstances and accommodate their evolving needs—being adaptable shows that you are dedicated to finding solutions that best meet their requirements.

Invest in Building Relationships

Take time to build and nurture your relationships with clients outside of the usual business interactions. Participate in their world through industry events, community activities, etc., as they are critical activities in building trust and positive relationships. Building rapport in a more relaxed setting can strengthen your relationship and foster a deeper connection.

Conclusion

While the advice about not being an “a******e” may not be instructive, it is worth reflecting on these tips that really just summarise all of the above expressed differently – just be a good person.  Being a good person is more than just being friendly; it’s about building genuine, trust-based relationships. By listening actively, showing empathy, being honest, and providing exceptional value, you can create lasting positive impressions.

Remember, it’s all about the small things that you do consistently that cement the relationship, enhance your likability and build stronger, more meaningful connections.

So go on, and just BE A GOOD PERSON.